


You're Gunna Carry That Weight For A Long Time

by nameru



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Comfort/Angst, First Crush, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Castiel, Kid Castiel, Kid Dean Winchester, Light Angst, M/M, POV Castiel, Singer Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-10 18:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameru/pseuds/nameru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is eight when he realizes he's in love with Dean Winchester.<br/>What he doesn't realize, is that Dean loves him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. L'Amour Looks Something Like You

Castiel fell in love with Dean Winchester when he was eight years old.  
It happened right after his mother chased him out of the house, she had caught him dressed in one of her dresses. Castiel! I understand you like my clothes, but boys don't wear girls clothes, go play with the boys and try to act more natural.   
Castiel didn't have any friends, really. His only two friends were Sam and Dean Winchester. They lives across the street from him, and whenever he was bullied about how small he was, or how he never seemed interested in girls, he knew that Dean or Sam would find out somehow and beat those kids up.   
But Castiel didnt want to depend too much on the Winchesters, they were a nice family, with only their mom taking care of them and their sister Jo, who was the same age as Sam.   
Back to the original story, Castiel decided to visit the Winchesters. It was a warm mid-July day in Kansas, and the Winchester home smelled of fresh pie, salad, and Popsicles.   
He was greeted by Mary who forced a slice of pie into his hands and insisted that he should try the potato salad as well.   
"Thank you, I will." He replied, though they both knew that he wouldn't.  
Jo was standing in the kitchen doorway, blushing, as she shyly said, "Hey there Cas, do you want some iced tea?"   
She ducked her head and proceeded to open the fridge.  
"Uh, no thank you, is Dean here?"   
Normally, Castiel would hang out with Sam, who was a little more similar to himself. However lately he had been more intrigued by Dean, who was only three years older than Castiel. He liked classic cars, old rock music and adult women who wore close to nothing.   
Additionally, he loved pie, and it was convenient for him to be around Castiel when there was pie, because he knew that Castiel never ate his.  
"Yeah, I think he's upstairs." Jo replied with sigh as she closed the door disappointedly.   
Castiel was greeted by a blast of rock music and a hand that took his plate of pie. "Heya Cas, thanks for the pie. What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be having dinner?" Dean asked with his mouth already stuffed full of pie.  
"Hello Dean. I should be, but my mom caught me.. Doing things... And she suggested that I socialize over here instead.." Cas said, awkwardly sitting on the floor.   
"What kind of things?" Dean asked shoveling the last of the pie down his throat,   
"It's not important, are you busy?" Cas replied as he looked around Deans room. It wasn't bare, but it wasn't quite Dean-like yet.   
There was a laptop, a couple of posters, lots of video games, and a journal which he was sure he had not seen before.   
"Nah, I'm just chillin, wanna go on the bike?" Dean asked as he leaped off of the bed.   
"Yes! If I race you and win can I pedal this time?" Cas asked with a small blush creeping over his face.   
Castiel was terrible at riding bikes, and much worse at racing, but he also hated having to sit on the handlebars as Dean pedaled.   
Dean merely laughed and pulled him by the hand towards the garage. Castiel was quite certain that when Dean grabbed his hand he felt his stomach flip over.  
As Castiel positioned himself on the handle bars, he looked back at Dean, who knew all too well that Castiel was always afraid of falling off.   
"Don't worry Cas, how many times have we fallen? And how many times has it been my fault?" He asked, patting Castiel's head,   
"None, and none." Castiel grumbled as he held on to the handlebars. They rode for hours, around the neighborhood, and a nearby park that hardly anyone visited except for in the winter when the lake froze over. As Castiel's legs began to grow tired, he started shifting around more and more, causing the bike to wobble.   
"Cas, if you keep fidgeting we'll fall!" Dean said, as he tried to keep Castiel in one place with one hand, and tried to keep the bike steady with the other. Castiel was too tired, and just pulled the bike down as he fell onto a soft patch of dried grass. He fell under the bike, unfortunately, but fortunately, Dean fell on top of him and the bike. And, fortunately, Dean was laughing.  
Castiel watched as his laughter made his eyes crinkle, and smile widened and glowed with the sunset.   
"Wow, we are not going to have you ride on the handlebars anymore, huh?" Dean huffed out between laughs. Castiel didn't know about love, or commitments, but he knew that he liked Dean, and he wanted to kiss Dean, and hold his hand.   
7 years later  
Castiel smudged the last of his tracings of Dean as he turned up his music. Dean always teased him about his taste in music, though he tried not to let him know that he liked “soft hipster shit”. However, he looked up as he heard his window open, and saw a big figure with heavy boots trudge through his window, “Hey Cas!” Dean said as he closed the window behind him. He looked at the stereo and frowned, “Listening to that hipster shit again?” He teased as he approached the stereo.  
Cause I'm a conductor  
A simple conductor  
With electricity just  
Pouring through me  
You're a habit  
Another bad habit  
Keep biting my nails in case  
All else fails  
For us-  
Dean shut off the music and picked up Castiel’s guitar, plucking the strings aimlessly as he stared at Castiel. “Why do you always wear those ugly sweaters?” He asked with a chuckle.  
“Why do you always come into my room and judge me?” Castiel snapped back.   
“Hey man, I’m just asking, I mean- it’s kinda cute, actually.” He said as he looked over at Castiel’s drawing. Castiel felt a blush creep up to his cheeks as Dean peered over his shoulder. “Is that me?” Dean asked with a sly grin.  
“No! I mean- no, it’s just some random person. Why would I draw you?” Castiel answered far too quickly, “I’m just teasing! Geez, you take everything far too seriously, Cas.” Dean said as his plucking became more consistent. He began to sing, and as always, Cas took the opportunity to stop and listen carefully.  
Try, baby, try  
To trust in my love again  
I will be there, I will be there  
Love, our love  
Just shouldn't be thrown away  
I will be there, I will be ther-  
“Cas! Earth to Cas!” Dean waved his hand over Castiel’s face and snapped his fingers.  
“Sorry! I was just…” Cas trailed off.   
“Hey, how about we go to the garage? I wanna show you something.” Dean said with a grin on his face that made Castiel want to hug and kiss him until time stopped and nothing was left except him and Dean.   
Dean held out his hand, and Cas took it, smiling as Dean led him to the garage behind Dean’s house.   
“Hey Cas!” Cas turned his head and saw Sam, talking to his girlfriend Jessica as they held hands and giggled.   
“Hi Cas.” He heard Jo say from the porch.   
“Hi Jo.” Cas said as he casually waved his hand.  
“Come on, Cas.” Dean yelled from the garage door. Once inside, Dean pulled out a magazine and showed it to Castiel, “This is the bike that I’m getting for my 18th!” Dean exclaimed as he showed Cas.   
“Suzuki Boulevard s40.” Cas read aloud as he looked at the motorcycle, not understanding why Dean would spend so much money on a bike.   
“Yeah, and I was thinking… You could have my old bike if you want? I can teach you how to ride it, if you want…” Dean said as he stroked Castiel’s arm lightly with his finger.   
Castiel held his breath as Dean continued to trace patterns up and down his arm.  
“I… Yeah. I would like that.” Castiel muttered as he realized that Dean’s lips were centimeters away from his own. When had they gotten so close?   
“If you want me to stop, just let me know.” Dean said as he closed the distance between them. Castiel felt a tongue push at his lips, asking for invitation, and he let him in.   
Castiel, obviously, had no prior experience of kissing other than this, so he pulled back as he whispered, “I- I’m sorry Dean, I don’t know how to kiss.” Dean smiled at him as he began to stroke his hair, “Don’t worry, Cas, I’ll teach you.”  
The next day, Dean came through Castiel’s window way too early, even for Castiel, who is a morning person. He pecked Castiel lightly on the lips as he began to get under the covers.   
“Wanna go for a ride on my new bike?” Dean whispered as Castiel tried his hardest to open his eyes. “Sure, let me just try to wake up.” Castiel replied as he got out of bed.   
“Hold on Cas, if you keep fidgeting we’ll fall off.” Dean chuckled as Cas held onto his waist. The motor was about 50 times louder than Castiel was used to, so he tried to get as close to Dean, to be able to hear him. At least that’s what he told himself.   
They rode as the sun began to rise in on the valleys surrounding Kansas. They rode to the nearest lake, which was empty, and glistening as the sun shone over the water.   
“Cas, how long have you liked me?” Dean asked as they laid on the side of the lake, fingers intertwined with one another.  
Castiel looked over at Dean, eyes crinkled, as he tilted his head.   
“I think, that time when I was eight, and we rode on your bike after my mom got mad at me for wearing her dress… When did you start liking me?”   
“I think right before that, when you came over, and you and Sammy were playing in the gravel. You fell and scraped your knee. You started crying and I thought you were so cute, and I also felt this hole in my chest when I saw you in pain.” Dean laughed as he stroked Castiel’s cheek.   
Castiel smirked, and leaned over to kiss him.

One year later  
“Hey Jo.” Castiel said as he went into the Winchester kitchen to grab a slice of fresh made pie.   
“Hey Cas, Dean went out, I think. He said he had a ‘hot date’” Jo replied with a chuckle as she offered him a glass of lemonade.   
“Hot date?” Castiel asked with a frown, he knew that they were keeping their relationship a secret, but they hadn’t agreed on seeing other people.   
“Yeah, you know that Lisa chick from school? She asked him out I think.” Jo replied as she left the kitchen and went up the stairs.  
Castiel put down his plate of pie. Why had Dean gone out with someone without telling him? He pulled out his phone and dialed Dean’s number. He knew that even if he was busy, he would make the time to answer.   
“Hello?”  
“Dean.”  
“Yeah, that’s me. Listen, I’m kinda busy, Cas. Can I call you back later?”  
Castiel felt a sharp pain at that. Dean was his boyfriend. He only called when it was important, Dean knew that.  
“Busy? Busy sticking your tongue down Lisa’s throat, huh?” Cas snapped as he felt hot tears begin to well up in the corners of his eyes.  
“Cas? Who told you that? I mean, I thought you’d be cool with it-“  
“COOL WITH IT?! You think that I’m fine letting you go fuck some girl to cover up the fact that you like me?!”  
“Cas- you- I-“Castiel could hear the anger begin to build in his voice, “you think I love you or something? I don’t love you, Cas. Get that through your stupid head! YOU THINK THAT I LOVE YO-” Dean screamed as Castiel hung up and threw his phone across the room. Salty tears began to pour down his cheeks as he ran back home.  
YOU THINK I LOVE YOU?  
YOU THINK I LOVE YOU?  
I DON’T LOVE YOU, CAS.  
the words played over and over in his head like a tape stuck in his stereo. He slammed the door behind him as he threw himself into his bed, ignoring the fact that his brother had returned home from college. “Cas?- “ He ignored his brother’s calls and flopped onto his bed. He cried for what seemed like hours, until he finally got up to turn on his stereo.  
Golden slumbers  
Fill your eyes   
Smiles await you when you rise –  
I DON’T LOVE YOU, CAS  
Sleep pretty darling   
Do not cry-  
I DON’T LOVE YOU, CAS  
And I will sing a lullaby-  
“Cas?” His brother, Gabriel called as he poked his head through a crack in the door. He shut off the stereo and sat next to Castiel. “This is about that Dean boy, right?” He asked as he patted Castiel’s hair, much like Dean did a year ago.  
“Don’t think I don’t notice, mom told me about you and him spending more time together.” Gabriel laughed and looked at Castiel with a smile. “I came back to see if you wanted to come to California with me.”   
Castiel sat up with wide eyes. He had wanted to leave Kansas when he was younger, go to study in big cities and find someone who would make up for his inability to be with Dean. That thought had disappeared a year ago.   
“But, where will I go to school? How will you pay for my stuff?”   
Cas began to panic. He didn’t want to leave Dean.  
Gabriel laughed again and wrapped an arm around Castiel. “Don’t worry about that, little brother. Now go tell that man whore that it’s over and we’ll leave as soon as you pack all of your shit. If you’ll excuse me,” Gabriel said as he stood up, “I have chocolate cake that is waiting for me in the kitchen.”  
Castiel’s legs felt like iron boots as he trudged up the stairs to the Winchester’s bedrooms. Mary and Jo weren’t home, as Sam had told him on his way inside. He could hear a guitar playing even as he was 20 feet from Dean’s room. Castiel knew how to tell when Dean was upset, and by the way that he was messing up every other chord on the guitar, he could tell that he was indeed very upset. As Castiel approached Dean’s door, he paused and put his ear to the door, listening to Dean’s voice as it trembled after every other verse.  
No one can love you  
‘Cause no one can free you  
Lovers can’t touch you  
‘Cause lovers might reach you, yeah  
I’m so alone, so alone  
But better than a wretched world  
Better than a broken pearl  
Castiel felt tears prick at his eyes as he opened the door. Dean stopped playing his guitar, and Castiel could tell that he had been crying as well.   
“What’re you doing here?” Dean asked coldly, clearly holding back tears.   
“I’m leaving. I just wanted to let you know.” Castiel replied as he shifted his feet, resisting the urge to kiss the sadness off of Dean’s face.   
“Where?” Dean asked as he put his guitar aside.   
“California with Gabe. I’ll leave now, I have to start packing.” Castiel began to turn as he felt an arm close the door in front of him.   
Dean was looking deep into Castiel’s eyes, and they were only centimeters apart, as they were in the garage a year ago.   
“Don’t go.” Dean pleaded as he outlined Castiel’s cheekbone with his finger.  
“Why? You were the one who said you don’t love me.” Castiel said coldly as he turned away from him. Dean grabbed his arm and looked deep into Castiel’s soul with those emerald eyes of his as he said, “I love you. I have loved you since I was eleven and I realize it now. I don’t care whether you love me back or whether I have to fight or sing or cry for you and your ugly sweaters, your shitty music taste and your sex hair. Please. Stay.”


	2. Of Everything That's Possible in the Hearts of Minds of Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it kids! I actually finished this! Sorry it's so short!! But I couldn't think of too much else to write.

Castiel sat in Deans arm, as they both sank to the floor, tears staining each other’s shirts. Both of them sat there on the floor of Dean’s room, sniffling, as they embraced each other’s warmth, and felt each other’s souls open up to one another. Dean slowly closed his eyes and leaned into Castiel, finally realizing that Castiel was the most precious thing in his life.  
“Why?” Castiel finally said, breaking the silence, but not moving to pull away from Dean.  
Dean sighed, and held tighter onto Castiel, as if Castiel was a bird and at any moment would fly away and would never return.  
“I already told you why.” Dean mumbled into Castiel’s shoulder.   
Castiel wasn’t a fan of affection or hugging, but he knew that with Dean, everything felt… right.   
As if this was his place in life. This was where he was meant to be, here, with Dean.   
“I’ve liked you forever Cas, and I thought that we were going to be friends forever, and eventually you’d love me back and I don’t want you to go and-and yeah.” Dean mumbled.   
“Well, maybe if you weren’t stupid I wouldn’t have considered leaving in the first place.” Castiel replied with a chuckled.  
He knew that even if he wanted to, it would be impossible to be somewhere where Dean wasn’t signing for him, or laughing with him, or promising him that they would be friends until the universe ceased to exist.   
“Maybe if you didn’t make me have such a big gay crisis I would’ve kissed you eight years ago.”   
Castiel laughed lightly, and wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders. He soon fell asleep without even realizing it, and when he woke up, he was surprised to find Dean’s pure green eyes staring at him, moist with fresh tears and full of affection and admiration. Dean smiled at him, and brushed the edge of Castiel’s cheek and moving closer, until Castiel could feel his breath on his lips.   
“Can I kiss you?” Dean whispered as he continued to pierce Castiel’s soul with his gaze.   
Castiel grinned slightly.  
“Yeah.”  
And as Dean brushed his lips against Castiel’s, asking for permission to explore with his tongue, he was certain that he would never allow Castiel to get away from him again.   
Castiel moved to pull off Dean’s pants, as Dean moved to stroke Castiel’s chest under his shirt. Castiel shivered at the touch, and moved to take off his own pants. They continued to express what they couldn’t say in words for one another through their touch, their gasps and moans, rocking and brushing against one another’s bare skin until they each reached completion, not once breaking eye contact. And as they lay there, on the floor of Dean’s bedroom, half-naked and happy, Castiel realized that technically, he hadn’t told Dean if he was going to stay or not.   
He turned to look at Dean, who was sleeping peacefully with one arm around Castiel’s waist, he moved to whisper in Dean’s ear.   
“Dean, do you remember the time where we went on your bike, and I fell off of the handlebars? That’s when I first fell in love with you. I remember you laughed about it, and then after that time you decided I wouldn’t be able to ride on the handlebars anymore. I remember I wanted to kiss you and hold your hand. I don’t want to lose that opportunity. So of course, I’ll stay with you, Dean. I’d do anything for you.”   
Dean, who was pretending that he was sleeping, but was actually awake, could feel himself smile, and moved to pull Castiel closer to him, as if reassuring that he would never hurt Castiel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm a sucker for happy endings)   
> Chapter Title taken from "Infallible" by Pearl Jam.  
> Thank you all for wanting a sequel!!! I do hope you enjoy it and comments are most welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> well it seems that people actually want a sequel to this?????  
> So stay tuned, bookmark and stuff because eventually a sequel will be posted!!!  
> Thanks for all of the kudos and comments!


End file.
